I’ve heard it said that “growing old is not for sissies.” I know that to be true!
But one of the perks of getting older is you know yourself better and you’ve gained a little wisdom along the way.
As I was going about my morning routine and thinking about my to-do list, I realized that I’m getting close to the end of my decluttering project!! It’s been over a year and I can see that the end is near! I can’t believe it!
Of course, there will be the maintenance and the odd thing here and there that will pop up that I will decide to discard or not. But I think that’s the life of the minimalist, don’t you?
This decluttering thing has been THE major event in my life, my focus for the past year. It has motivated me to get up and do something after losing 5 people in my life – after quitting my career of 17 years – of adjusting to becoming a grandmother.
Being able to be in control of the little things when I couldn’t be in control of the big things has helped me get through.
And I have to be honest – I’m a little scared that it will be over.
The clearing out system that I discovered has been so helpful in allowing me to take things slowly, at the pace I needed. So, I’ve been able to make emotional adjustments along the way.
However, with the reality of the end in sight, I had to do a self-check this morning. Here’s how the conversation with myself went:
Me: What will you do when you have nothing left to go through and clear out?
Myself: (with enthusiasm) All those things I wanted to do but didn’t have time!
Me: What were those things?
Myself: (getting frustrated) I don’t know! But they were good.
Me: Well you better hurry up and remember because otherwise you’re going to be sitting in this clean, neat, orderly house with nothing to do!
Myself: With everything that’s happened I don’t remember who I was and what I wanted to do and besides I’m different now, and I don’t yet know who I am.
Me: Well, that’s a fine kettle of fish!
Myself: But you know, I just believe that without all the clutter that kept me “busy” that the figuring out will be easier and clearer. I guess I’ll just have to breathe and put one foot in front of the other until I know where I’m going. Do I really have to know? Right now?
Me: Seems a little irresponsible and immature to not know. Responsible people have a plan, a goal, a purpose and a vision.
Myself: Well, I guess I’m immature and irresponsible right now. I guess I’m like Indiana Jones and “I’m making this up as I go along.”
Me: And you’re blogging about it! How embarrassing!
Myself: Maybe it will help someone else who’s in the same boat.
Me: Maybe, or maybe it’s just embarrassing!
Well, that’s how it went.
The wisdom I’ve gained knows that decluttering will come to an end. That I will have to face the holes in my life left by the people I love having gone.I will have to face that I’m getting older. I will have to take a look at myself and discover who I am now, what I want now, what my purpose is now. Without a career to pour myself into, what will I do with all my creativity, drive and energy? How am I going to grandparent from half a country away?
I guess after decluttering the house, I’ll have to declutter me, haha!
Wisdom tells me to take it slow. Otherwise I’ll clutter my life again with what I think I want. Just for the distraction. And I’ll just waste a lot of time and money. And I’ll return to that fake busy life that kept me from dealing with myself in the first place.
In the meantime, I still have a few more things to go through and like Scarlett O’Hara I say, “I’ll think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.” Haha!
Just being honest today. I hope I didn’t bum you out! Don’t worry. I have hope! I know there’s a lightness and brightness coming!