The Relevant Years Went By So Quickly

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I was at the bank a couple of weeks ago and my daughter went with me. The teller suggested that I use an electronic signature. I paused to consider if that was really the best way to handle what I was doing when she turned to my daughter, laughed and said, “Haha! She doesn’t know what I’m talking about! She’s like, “Electronic signature? What is that? Haha!”

I was insulted and started to defend myself but she just looked at my daughter and rolled her eyes.

I’m considering changing banks.

Seriously, I’m only in my 50’s. I’m not from the Stone Age.

I guess this is where the ageism begins. Taking jabs for being old and a grandma.

Nobody told me about this.

I’m going to pull up my big girl granny panties and get on with my day!

Peace,

Jill

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Time Traveling

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I’m still new to this grandparenting gig. I’ve only been at it for a little over a year now.

So, these feelings and experiences, which are probably old hat to you veteran grandparents out there are still fresh to me.

My 2nd grandboy, Manny, sometimes looks just like his dad, my son, so much so that it’s freaky. It’s like I have my little boy back for a few seconds or minutes.

And not only that sort of thing but I find that old feelings I had as a young mother wash over me in a wave.

For example, my son arrived on Thanksgiving Day from a trip to Peru where he hiked the Inca Trail. My son is 30 years old. Not my little boy anymore. But when he got to my house, had eaten a good meal and fell asleep on the sofa, the old feeling of peace and contentment that I had as a young mother after my kids were fed, bathed and asleep washed over me. For a moment, he was that little boy safe, warm and comfortable in my care. Tears in my eyes from a warm heart.

Having these grandkids is making me feel like a time traveler jumping back and forth from being a mom to being a grandmom. So weird sometimes.

Peace,

Jill

JFK Haunts Me

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Just when JFK fades from my memory and I’m not thinking about him, somebody has to pull him back. Now, it’s those hidden files that were supposedly released but then taken back to be released in April. Those files have spawned a flurry of new documentaries and conspiracy theories.

I’m a nervous wreck changing the channels because I never know when I’m going to come across footage of that depressing black limo turning onto the street that led to Dealy Plaza and then the horrifying “crimson burst.”

I was almost one and half years old when JFK was killed. Coming from a family that loves a good conspiracy theory, my home was filled with years of discussion about his assassination. And I can’t help but get sucked into them.

I get the reasons why it was such a tragic event. I get why it impacted America so. I understand how horrible and tragic and sad it was.

I also understand why we can’t leave it alone – because we don’t know.

And it’s for all those reasons why JFK haunts me.

I wish, for goodness sake, we could find out who killed him so he can literally Rest In Peace.

His death is one of those moments that people remember exactly where they were when they got the news. I suppose I was sitting in either my mother or my sister’s lap when I heard the news.

Where were you?

Peace,

Jill

My Halloween Life

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As a kid I LOVED Halloween! I’m an actor at heart and having a whole holiday devoted to dressing and pretending to be someone else was just the best! In the 70’s it was a community experience. Everyone was involved. Your respect could go up or down based on the quality of your costume. Candy was king! My Dad was cheap and was always trying to give out apples or walnuts – I was humiliated. Not to mention angry at having to pick up all the apples and walnuts that got dumped in our yard the next day.

When my kids were really little, we dressed them up every year and they were so cute and we’d take them to the mall to get candy. That was during the period where freaks were putting razor blades and poison in Halloween treats. So, the mall would xray the candy for you and when we got home we went through it piece by piece inspecting it for tampering. Kinda took the fun out of the candy part. But the kids were still cute toddling around in their costumes.

Then we moved into a neighborhood with lots of kids and it became a community experience again. Gangs of kids roaming the neighborhood, laughing and getting their sugar high. I never gave out fruit or nuts, just so you know.

Then we got involved in a church that thought Halloween was evil. And so we participated in alternative celebrations. It was fine and good, but being in such an active neighborhood I always felt like I was letting the kids down. I don’t think my stand against the evils of Halloween did anything except just hurt the neighborhood kid’s feelings, actually.

But then as the kids got older, Halloween was just not a big deal anymore. And then when the kids flew the coop, we just became a candy stop and not part of the main activity.

But through the years even that has disappeared. I think over the past two years I’ve had a total of 3 trick or treaters. I understand. We are more aware of the dangers, more suspicious of our neighbors. It’s just the way it is now.

I miss the “glory days of Halloween” when the costume was important and candy was king. I miss helping the kids with their costumes and spending way too much money on good candy.

Now I’m just that weird old lady at the end of the street sitting in her dark house watching old horror movies eating a bowl of candy all by herself. That’s pretty scary.

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But you know, I’ll have that bowl of candy by the door, just in case.

Happy Halloween! Muhahaha!

~Jill

Where Have I Been?

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It’s only been about two months since I last posted but it feels like forever! When I got back from my extended stay with the Grandboys, through both of their 1st birthdays, daughter’s birthday and son’s move, I had to regroup.

It’s been, gosh, I can’t even remember how many months since I left my teaching career so husband and I are adjusting to our new financial situation. As a result, I’ve been trying to find a second career, new job, well, basically: figuring out how to make some cash.

I wrote a second book which has done pretty well in my tiny world. As I continue living the life of a minimalist there seems to always be something to sell or donate.

I started taking photos and doing some social media management on the side for some extra dough. So, as you can see there have been some things pulling me away from this lovely space.

But I wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing.

How have you been?

Peace,

Jill

“Letters To My Younger Self”

A few years ago I was asked to contribute to a book about motherless daughters. I wrote an article then changed my mind.

For years I have swung back and forth about writing about losing my mother and my sister and being raised by an emotionally absent father and his dysfunctional 2nd wife. I don’t like to appear like a whiner or a victim or use my loss as a way to manipulate or get attention.

But the truth is that all that loss, tears, grief and pain left a hole. A hole that probably can never be filled. But it has also made me who I am today.

I have to function without the advantages a mother and an older sister can bring to one’s life. There’s a lot of wisdom, wisdom that could have been personally tailored to me, that is lost to eternity. So, I’m forever searching, listening and watching.

I follow an actor on Instagram, Matthias Schoenaerts

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and surprisingly he posted a photo of a book he’s reading, called “What I Know Now: Letters To My Younger Self.” It’s a collection of letters that women have written to their younger selves. Why Matthias is reading it, I don’t know, but I’m impressed, almost as much as some of the roles he’s played. Being curious, I looked it up and bought the kindle version.

The impressive contributors to the book include such women as, Madeleine Albright, Nora Roberts, Macy Gray, and many other successful and influential women.

It is a very interesting read and includes some very wise counsel like…

“You´re going to have to learn how to pat yourself on the back eventually. Start now. It´s not gloating.It´s taking pleasure in life´s goodness” 

I would recommend it for your late summer reading.

Peace,

Jill

55 Years Old Now!

I’m sorry I haven’t posted. I’ve been busy getting this and that done on my book. I had hoped that it would be ready today, but I’m worried that the release will be a few days later. Oh, well, stuff happens.

One stuff that happened is that I turned 55! I’m so glad that I was able to celebrate it with my kids and Grand boys.

I wanted to see what 55 candles would do to a cake and so we LIT IT UP!

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The husband wasn’t able to be with me so he sent some pretty flowers…

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I thought it would be funny to do a milestone facebook post like all the new moms do to mark the development of their babies. So, I did one and Little G helped me with a photo to go with it.

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I hope to be able to say that my book will be available later today or tomorrow, but we’ll see.

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Peace,

Jill